The MRI I had last week showed additional tumors that are aggressively destroying bone and putting me at risk of a dangerous fracture. The tumor on the sacrum was confirmed in addition to finding tumors in the "neck" of the hip bones on both sides.

Once my radiation records are received by my current radiation oncologist; we will schedule ten treatments, one per day. This doctor takes a more conservative approach than my others. She does not think it wise to give me the maximum allowable dose straight away. Given the prolific nature of my tumors, THEY'LL BE BAAAAACK, and she wants to be sure she can offer some treatment in the future if needed.

The truly exciting news is radiating the sacrum also requires radiating a portion of my bowel. Even after the treatments end, I may require a special Imodium and Metamucil diet. YUMMY.

Olivia took a photo of me and her biological father with her to school today to prove that she has a "Dad" in addition to her Grandpa-Dad "who does all the Dad stuff." I guess this all started when her Grandpa was helping parent and she introduced him as "Dad" then one of her classmates asked me if he was her Dad or her Grandpa. Since then the kids have been telling her she does not have a Dad. At all. Hmmmm.

So the photograph was her proof. After school she told me she had a good day and showed everyone the picture of her dad. She said her boyfriend thought he looked nice for a guy who has robbed a movie theater. I am not sure which part of that is most disturbing - that my eight year-old has a boyfriend (named Joey) or that she told him about her bio-dad having committed armed robbery. Deep, deep breath.

I met with the Radiation Oncologist this week. She is FABULOUS! We went through my history and symptoms, tests and whatnot. At the end she said she wanted to do a more detailed study of what is going on. You see, I don't hurt enough in the right places!

What we are hoping from looking more closely at my lower back, pelvis, and sacrum is to see if the PET scan results missed something.

From there we have options such as:
1. Original plan of 2-3 weeks of daily radiation
2. One high dose, highly targeted treatment - see if it helps - repeat in 2-3 months
3. No radiation (if something else is indicated or if it turns out not to be necessary)

I am also looking into Genetic Counseling where they would test my blood and examine my DNA for any known defects (no, warped sense of humor won't show in DNA).
This is mostly for Olivia's benefit since her paternal grandmother died at a young age from breast cancer, she will need to be diligent and if I can provide more data for her, that would be helpful I assume.

Since I am on the topic, last week while reading a book together, Olivia burst into tears. "I'm stupid and fat and I hate my fat legs." In my consolation to her I told her that I would have preferred inheriting my mother's legs rather than my father's too. She said, "Your legs aren't like mine." She also got her father's legs.

Last night she asked if she could call her dad. I explained that he could call her any time he wants. My number is still the same. She said, "I think he just forgot that he wants to meet me."

Oh sweet baby! No human could ever forget wanting to meet their own child. Is there any end to the damage done by his selfishness and cowardice? At the same time, I cannot say this to her since he is biologically a part of her. Advice?

After discussing with my oncologist and carefully weighing the benefits of waiting, I am now scheduled to see a radiation oncologist next week to begin daily radiation therapy. Oh joy.

My doctor also switched me from Aredia to Zometa which is not only a MUCH quicker infusion, it is also showing in trials to have anti-cancer properties. That is once per month. After I finish radiation I will begin a different chemotherapy regimen; alternating weeks of Navalbene and Gemzar.

Radiation is such a fine three-year, stage IV cancerversary gift. In case you are unaware, the side effects of radiation include: fatigue, skin changes (redness, blisters, peeling), loss of appetite, decrease in blood counts, ... and loss of sex drive. As IF!

The results from my most recent scans are in. I have a tumor growing in my left sacrum. Yes, that is the same area where I've been having activity off and on for some time now. My oncologist and I discussed possibly radiating the area to slow the growth. It isn't currently causing me severe pain.

What to do?
1. Daily radiation treatments to slow the growth?
2. Watch and see?
3. Take a look at my tumor markers (a blood test that gives an estimate of the number of cancerous cells circulating in my body) and then make a decision?

We're going with option 3.

Yes, craptastic news. Not horrible, not good.

So I went online to search for deals on a spring break trip. Washington DC and Williamsburg, VA (to go to Busch Gardens) is looking promising.

Olivia and I were reading "Meet the Robinsons," a favorite movie/book of ours. I asked her which favorite or happy memory she would program in to the machine to revisit. We went back and forth a few rounds about trips we have taken, holidays we have shared, then she got very quiet.

"Mommy, after you die, I want to remember every day with you."

Does she know? Sure she is aware I have cancer. She has had a friend tell her, "Your mommy is dying." This was completely different. To hear her say out loud that she is thinking about her life after I am gone; it is a hole like the wind has been knocked out of me and I cannot take a breath. It is sheer agony.

"Apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?”