Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Saturday, September 24, 2016
A healing process from light to dark to light to dark - flickers and faith

Old anatomical model in ivory

xox

Leonard Cohen - You Want It Darker (Audio)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0nmHymgM7Y

(lyrics follow two posts below this one)

xox

I would like to live to see the world change. – Stephanie Sugars, 1982

xox

Humility in response to an experience of failure, then, is at its core a form of therapy, the beginning of a healing process.

– Costica Bradatan

xox

I’ve been undergoing a personal healing process.

Oh not the kind everyone thinks of when they think terminal cancer patient. The first thought is usually 9-1-1, burly EMTs, ambulances, hospital intensive care...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Saturday, September 24, 2016
My Body As Other: ILLNESS IN OUR COMMUNITY

My young lesbian self

1979

xox

My Body As Other: ILLNESS IN OUR COMMUNITY

By Stephanie Sugars

Common Lives/Lesbian Lives

Number 5, Fall 1882

I live and love in a lesbian society. I’ve joined my life to other women’s lives to create a new world safe for lesbians to grow in. I have a strong commitment to the change we’re involved in.

I am also an ill woman. My life has been shaped by illness.

In the women’s community I’ve run into many different yet inter-related ableist assumptions/attitudes. Illness is a hidden disability and has been ignored, denied, and rejected. Lesbians have adopted...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Wednesday, September 14, 2016
Greetings from Cap'n Gratitude

Hohle Fels Goddess figure

3300 BCE

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/14/science/14venus....

xox

I'm All Shook Up/Lyrics - Elvis Presley

Well please don't ask me what's on my mind

I'm a little mixed up, but I'm feelin' fine

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEAN5Mjgjr0

xox

Up after sleeping for about 6 hours and wondering what wants to bubble out.

Found myself arguing with a customer service rep from one of my long term pharmacies. They’ve supplied me with cancer meds for many years. When she asked me how I’m doing, I answered, “terminally ill”. She fell for the bait and her leg was caught in a...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Monday, September 12, 2016
Blessing or curse?

No Loss Of Pride, Holly Near

I don’t want to fight with you anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8qeupU5KBE

xox

I just have to heave this off my chest…don’t expect it to stick to you, but if you were thinking of picking a fight with me, here’s how…

Tell me I’m not going to die, that I’m not ready or that I’m still too engaged with life, spiritually lit up and full of my vital energy to die anytime soon.

No, no, no and really, really no!

I really am ready to go.

I really am here against my personal, small-self I will.

But I’m surrendered to divine will (higher-self I) and am...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Monday, September 5, 2016
Losing my words and finding a new friend

Archangel Raphael for Healing

The story of the mysterious fish of the watery depths

http://www.straphaeloil.com/book-of-tobit-chapter-6/

xox

The Light is Shining – Twila Paris

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jF7NqJRd2o0

xox

We turn towards God with all the strength of all our soul’s capacities. And we turn toward our fellow human beings with the strength of our love. For we are God’s hands on earth. – Cynthia Hindes quote from her gospel reading and commentary. Now this woman speaks good English in both senses of the word – proper English and the language of the angels.

xox

Scribbling...

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Stephanie Sugars · Saturday, September 3, 2016
Meditations on brokenness, mending and letting go

My best plate – broken and mended

xox

Alexander Chapman Campbell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTlY0AB02Fo&index=2&list=PLaLGHvdHfRMe9rmkUvrvzIYyW9XsFYVnm

xox

There are many ways that we grow, but there are two major ways: We shed what no longer works, or we're broken open. If we're unwilling to shed, then we will be broken open. Through shedding, we are worn down, just as nature is eroded to its beauty. I think that through suffering, human beings are eroded to our beauty. – Mark Nepo

xox

On Thursday, one good friend broke my favorite plate.

On Friday, another good friend mended my favorite...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Saturday, September 3, 2016
Stephanie's Special Scent Request for guests

Dear friends,

As my liver grows, so does my scent sensitivity.

Particularly annoying and clinging are topical medications, mold & mildew, smoke residue, chemical scents, perfumed body products (soap, hair products, lotions, etc.) and scented laundry products like detergents, fabric softeners and sheets.

Even natural and essential oils seem 10x stronger than usual now.

I try to avoid touching or getting near folks who use these, but if they are brought into my home on clothing or skin, your scents linger on my skin and upholstery for days, linger in not a good way.

Please, pay attention to...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Thursday, September 1, 2016
Yes, I'm writing a real post, but I'm really slow now

Am sending this for the morbidly curious. All others please wait for word from me.

Scary reading ahead...trigger alert for cancer progression, dying and death. The grisly medical details with lots of links:

At the Commonweal Cancer Help Program in June 2012, I spoke with Michael Lerner about ways people die of cancer. In a different conversation about death, he gave advice to “follow the light”. In this conversation I spoke of wondering how I could gracefully exit my life, especially given the extreme medical interventions available at life-end. I’ve already got the POLST/DNRf orm

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Monday, August 29, 2016
holding and letting go

Jin Shin Jyutsu holding fingers chart - shared without permission!

xox

I'll fly away- I saw the light- Will the circle be unbroken?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3BvEejSZCo

xox

My circles draw closer together, but I’m less and less the hub holding the spokes and more the center of circles, spheres?

And I crave comfort – yes, the com-fort of being strong with, of strengthening, but the comfort of acknowledging diminishing capacities. Seldom can I keep up with listening, thoughts, conversation. Nor can I stand physical discomforts now – a scratchy label or a cold, wet surgical dressing...

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  Stephanie Sugars
Stephanie Sugars · Tuesday, August 23, 2016
​My Stages of Grief

René Magritte - La via maestra, 1944

xox

Enya-Water Shows the Hidden Heart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjUYIAVPylU

xox

Dear mylifeline friends,

Our internet connection has been down for much of the past week and I've been down with a cold.

Did write something for www.breastcancer.org this morning and wondered if it might be helpful to you too.

My physical health continues to decline, but I'm hopeful that when this cold is gone, breathing and coughing will improve. A bit.

Last Saturday's Circle of Care gathering blew me out of the water - what a love fest!

so grateful and still joyous,...

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