Processing, please wait

Please wait while we process your request

SS

Stephanie Sugars
Welcome, dear friends and guests!

SS

Happy Earth Day, every day!

Turn Away - Helen Jane Long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BW-drzcwcB0&sns=em

I see the light coming

I see the peace coming

If I turn away, you'll be gone

Across the universe

And into everything

I'll see your smile in the trees

and stars

I'll remember all the walks we had

Cause I see the peace coming

xox

Dear mylifeline friends,

First, I apologize (again!) for being a poor correspondent. I owe many of you replies to cards, comments, messages, email and even phone calls. I will never, ever catch up. Yet I do “catch” all your messages and really appreciate your thoughtful care and shared interests in so many amazing aspects of life.

I seem to be more on the receiving end than the offering end these days. If this were a game of catch, the balls would be piled up around my feet and I’d be lollygagging, looking up at the sky for signs. And swimming with dolphins and naked women in a warm water gulf in New Mexico. The dream made perfect sense while I lived it and when I woke too. I’d gone to a dying and death retreat with Stephen and Ondrea Levine, but the other participants and I were amazed by the water and dolphins in the high desert. Surely, this is what we came to do!

Waking life is kinda boring. Still reading too many books simultaneously and a new cookbook just showed up.

The Inquisition cookbook is neither appetizing or relaxing. More that sick sort of feeling you get looking at mummies and realizing everyone who played a role in the drama is long dead. Some burned alive for what and how they ate, those on the right side of the law died other ways. I am learning a lot of medieval food history, but am glad I made it to desserts today!

Have had a spate of annual and semi-annual medical appointments – dentist, optometrist, dermatologist – that evoked the usual existential ponderings. Should I even go? What would I get by going?

Silky clean teeth – Yes!

Not new prescription glasses, but new prescription for readers – so worth it as my eyes changed from 3.0 to 4.25!

No skin cancer, but four pre-cancers on my face. The dermatologist was set to remove them, but I stopped and asked when they’d become cancerous (remembered the two painful, bleeding skin cancers I already suffered). Upon hearing they’d take years to take a turn, I stopped her. The short term pain wouldn’t net any long term gain.

So, I expect my teeth and gums to outlive me. My dentist says I’m doing great and it’s my attitude. I reply, my teeth and gums are doing great…the rest of my body, not so much.

Still, during the 20 years I’ve seen him, I’ve been dealing with advanced breast cancer. I’m fairly relaxed about the dental work – only had one root canal and crown and several cavities filled. He’s not going to seriously injure me – by error or intent. I don’t have dental anxiety, like many of my friends. So, I joke around with him and he thinks I have a great attitude and am an inspiration, unlike his “woe is me” patients who can’t get with the news that they’re mortal.

I find myself defending everyone’s right to whatever they’re feeling– despair, hope, far-fetched wishful thinking.

But, I left feeling disingenuous.

I may not want to be an inspiration (a noun), but I know that people are inspired (a verb) by me.

I don’t feel like arguing with their perceptions either.

I can argue cause and effect – I have a good attitude, therefore I live longer than others who don’t.

But I can’t argue against the truth that I’m having a basically happy life while many others (even those who are able-bodied) really aren’t.

Nor can I argue against the truth that my attitude has been less than hard won.

Several of you knew me as a surly and cynical teen. A sort of hippy pre-goth rebel who thumbed her nose at consensus reality.

Somewhere along the way, I realized I didn’t like being with myself or how I was living and I cleaned up my act. Not to conform or gain societal acceptance, but to better enjoy my precious life.

I lost my rebel attitude, but I didn’t lose my idealism.

Now, my idealism is constantly re-infused by loving connections with humans, nature, the divine, ideas and beauty.

It’s also re-infused by synchronicity and dreams and body gestures that reveal the next right step along my path.

One of the Threshold Choir songs that lives with me,

Step by step by step, following the path.

Step by step by step, following the path.

Stay by my shoulder, Shining One.

Stay by my shoulder, Shining One.

Show me the way with your steady hand.

Show me the way with your steady hand.

My angel shows me the way, step by step by step.

And somehow after some time, I find myself in a place I’ve never been and that’s never existed in this world – swimming with dolphins and naked women in a desert sea.

Does life get any better than this?

Thank you dear friends, my mortal friends, for staying with me.

I see that with 1000 more guest views, the guest visit meter will click over to 100,000 guest views.

We must be doing something together…even if I don’t respond directly and your pretty colored balls are piling up by my feet.

Let’s make Earth Day be every day!

And did you see that full moon last night?

Sending so much love, Stephanie

The pond at Moonlight Farm

Processing, please wait

Processing, please wait
Top