Those of you who suffer with migraine headaches like me, you cringe at the very word. The impaired vision, (I often get an actual hole missing from my sight), followed by unbelievable pain. I describe this fun experience to not only enlighten those who are fortunate enough to NOT experience them, but more importantly to describe what life is like now.
It's 12:22am on Saturday, October 27th, and my baby has been gone for a month. An entire month. I feels all too real now, the loss so true. Some of life has picked back up, some has not. Emotions still run very high and no doubt will for some time. As far as life goes, it's like I'm living with a migraine, a constant hole everywhere I look. The corner of the room where her bed once sat, the side of the car where her carseat was, the random toys and clothes we continually come across that now have no owner. Like I said, a hole. Today my baby has been gone for an unbearable month and though I know we'll all get through this, because I serve and very BIG God, today I reserve the right to be sad. I reserve the right to cry, to weep, to miss my little one. Today I don't want to be comforted or encouraged, to be told simple truths about God working everything out in the end - I KNOW that, it's just not what I need today. Today I just miss Sterling.
There will be days in the future where life will seem brighter, but for now, Mama Rockstar is not happy, cheerful or 'ok'. I miss her. Just that.