Sterling Chronicles

What day is it again??


Wow time passes so strangely now. At times it feels as if it doesn't move at all and other times it flies by, unable to grab it back. As time DOES continue to march ahead, I wanted to post a little update.
   We have made it through the Life Celebration for Sterling, hard and beautiful as it was. Now comes the awkward task of trying to move forward, in our new reality, new normal. Have you ever tried a new dance before learning the steps? You're fumbling to keep up with the music, stepping on the feet of your innocent partner who's in the same boat, questioning if you'll ever get this down, and who came up with this in the first place?! Welcome to where we're at! All of us seem to be in this limbo-like place, still feeling out how to move. I fight in my head with not WANTING to move on, not without her.  I then argue that I must, I have a son who needs me.  The debate continues on, back and forth (believe me, I like to argue).
   Recently what popped into my head after some back and forth is the memories with Sterling toward the end of her journey.  I could read the signs, I saw our time coming to a close and it broke my heart.  Well, unknown to me, that thought would cross my face and Sterling would ask me "Why you sad?" or "Why you have a sad face?".  This happened a few times and it makes me think now.  Sadness is a part of all this, I will be sad, in some ways forever, but I can't stay there.  Sterling would have pulled me out if she were here.  That's not a place we can stay. It needs to be more of a "drop in for a while" sort of place where I can come, NEED to come feel my loss (which is good and necessary), but then continue forward. Not forgetting, not dismissing or replacing but needing to continue because there is more to come. More life: good, bad, hard, exhilarating - LIFE.  Life for me, for my husband, for my son, for countless others around me and far away.  Life together.     
   We all miss Sterling, we all internally ache over the missing part of our hearts. Even Bastien, Sterling's 5yr old brother; not a day goes by that he doesn't say he misses her and wants her. I remind him as I do myself, "We ALL miss her and will see her again".  She's not hurting, she's great! She wouldn't want me sad all the time. I can still hear her in my ears "Why you sad Mama? Why you have sad face?" She's not here and still making me a better person. Thank you Sissy! Mama loves and misses you!             -Mama Rockstar
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Dawna Salisbury's

Through the tears as I read this, sending prayers and love your way! May God bless you, your son and your husband along with the entire RockStar team as you begin to move forward. I think about you all constantly and wonder how one manages to get through all you have been through. Your words are very inspirational and touching. I pray your "dance" becomes a little easier and Sterling's voice even stronger in your ear. Oh what a beautiful eternity you will have one day with that beautiful baby girl! <3

Vonnie Perez's

I know this doesn't make things easier for you, and I admit that tears fall from my eyes as I jot these words down, but I just wanted to share a few words of encouragement with you.

You are left with so many wonderful memories of your precious baby girl, but I think the greatest of gifts you are left with is HOPE!  Not only a hope that she's in a glorious place that all of us hope to go to one day, but a HOPE that you WILL be reunited with her once more.  And you will NEVER EVER be separated from her again.

 

Marla Chauvin's

Praying for you, friend, as you lean into Life... sadness, hope, forward movement and all. Love you.

Kim Flores'

Beautiful, Sarah. I love you!

Rebecca Menchaca's

That was beautifully written and filled with truth and wisdom. You guys were on my heart today. Now that the celebration of Sterling's life came and went and the CHOC walk is over I was imagining how difficult it must be to find that new normal. Everyone has to get back to their jobs, responsibilities and just life stuff. I know it must be difficult to find your new normal but we are praying for you and trusting that God will be with you all the way.

JoAnn Kielsmeier's

i love you sweet mama!!

Narisa Hernandez's

Sarah, you are such a strong and loving Mama. My heart aches for you and your family. I miss Sterling...although I never met her. I miss hearing about her day, her Journey, and the beautiful pictures and videos that we were so Blessed and honored to see and get a glimpse of your precious baby girl. I can't say enough how much Sterling has changed my life...she has made me such a better person. I hope you find comfort in knowing that Sterling has made an impact on so many lives and has touched so many hearts...she is truly an amazing little Angel! Love & Prayers Always, Narisa

Gina Burciaga's

My heart aches for your sadness but utterly admires your strength. I wish nothing but peace for you all until the day you are all able to meet and be with little Sterling once again. <3

Adrianna DeLeon's

This was so beautifully written.  Keep staying strong.